Advay is staring at the wall. He then proceeds to sleep. He wakes up and eats his dinner. He then scrolls through his contact list, sighs, and goes back to sleep. He feels alone and sad.
What’s happening to him?
Advay is feeling lonely. He is unable to connect with others and find ways to rejuvenate himself.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness is the feeling of feeling disconnected and isolated. It doesn’t mean that one does not have someone to speak to. It means that one is unable to connect with others in a manner that helps them feel joyous. It can be a result of low social esteem or an inability to connect emotionally.
Isn’t it the same as being alone?
Being alone is a choice. Loneliness isn’t. Also, it’s possible to feel isolated and lonely with people around us as well.
What happens if loneliness is not dealt with?
Feeling lonely is a vicious cycle. One can have the following thoughts:
“I feel like I’m not important to anyone.”
“I feel like I don’t have anyone to tell my good news to.”
“I feel alone when I’m surrounded by people.”
Loneliness can lead to unhealthy thoughts of self-harming and complete isolation.
How can we combat loneliness?
Label and acknowledge- The first step towards coping with any feeling is labeling the feeling. Recognize that you are feeling lonely. Then say “I am feeling lonely” instead of saying “I am lonely”. Switching from labeling ourselves to labeling the feelings, helps us see the feeling like a temporary state.
Communicate- Communicate how you are feeling to someone. It doesn’t matter if they can help you combat the feeling. However, communicating how we are feeling helps our brain externalize emotion and feel reassured.
Plan- Now that you have externalized the feeling. Come up with a plan to understand the feeling. Ask yourself: “When did I start feeling lonely?” “Where do I see myself expressing the most?” “What are some spaces that make me feel joyous?” It helps in identifying the root cause and finding possible solutions.
Practice positive self-talk- Remind yourself that you are not the problem. You are unique and loveable. Feeling lonely is a temporary state and you are just struggling with connecting with people right now. This helps raise your self-esteem and build confidence for reaching out to people.
Look back- Reevaluate your social circle. Are there friends who you used to speak to but lost touch with? Are there friends who you have been meaning to catch up with but just could not find the time? Speaking with friends and just cracking jokes makes us feel happier. Remember, that it’s not necessary to be “productive” all the time. Laughing and taking care of yourself is important too.
Reach out to people- It’s okay if you are unable to reconnect with someone from the social circle. Find online sharing circles that give you a voice and new people to connect with. Heart it Out in India does weekly buddy circles virtually!
Find a hobby community - If speaking to people is not your thing, find a new hobby to connect with people without the pressure of having a conversation. Haikujam is a great place to write with people without having to meet them. You could also join music or an art community too!
Seek professional help- Prolonged loneliness can be a sign of mental health illness. Don’t be ashamed to speak to a mental health professional and seek help.
Remember, the current scenario is difficult and it’s okay to feel lonely. You are not alone. You are loved and cared for. Let’s communicate with each other and find strength in vulnerability.