Does your child love themself?

9-year-old Aafreen walks into class with droopy shoulders and her head down. She does not talk much and struggles to build relationships with her peers.

As children grow up they start thinking about who they are. They try to understand themselves and their place in the world. They want to be loved and accepted by all. Often times, in this pursuit they struggle to love themselves and try to become who they think others want them to be. This affects their adult life as well. So how can we recognize and build self-esteem right from childhood?

The first step to building self-esteem is self-awareness. Self-awareness refers to being able to recognize our skills, strengths, weaknesses. Once someone is able to do this, only then can they appreciate themselves for who they are. So how can we make a child self-aware?

1. The mirror approach- Draw a mirror-like structure on paper and ask your child to write down what they see when they stand in the mirror. This will help you understand what they think about themselves. List down all external and internal traits. Give them about 30 minutes to do this activity. 10-year-old Shafaat in my class wrote- " I see a small fat boy. I like my smile. I am kind. I am small. I don’t like fat." This made me realize that Shafaat needs help with accepting himself as he is.

2. How do people see me- Use this template to understand what does your child think people see them as? This will help understand the thoughts in your child's mind. If you want you can use guiding questions: “ What do you think (a friend/family member’s name) thinks when they see you?

Once you have understood the above factors, let’s talk about how we can build self-esteem:

1. Talk about their superpower- One of the best ways to build self-esteem is to help a child understand their strengths. You can start by asking a child who their superhero is and what do they like in them. Then ask them if they were a superhero what would be their superpower. The answers can range from "I can pick up heavy things" to "I help everyone". Help them word their strengths.

2. Give them responsibilities - Give them small chores every day and make it sound big. When they complete it, remember to appreciate their effort.

3. Ask them their views- Have conversations with them to understand their opinion on things. Make them feel heard and that their voice matters.

4. No one is perfect- Don't project yourself as the perfect parent. Talk about your mistakes and how you learned from them. This will help the child learn from their mistakes and not blame themselves in the future.

6. Tell them you love them- We love our children dearly but we often forget to express it. Hug your child and tell them how much you appreciate them.

Remember who we are as adults is largely shaped by who we were as children. If we feel recognized and loved as a child, we will grow up to be confident and calm adults. If you are an adult, you can try these activities out for yourself too.

(Note: All the images are printable. Just click on the images to download and print them.)