How to raise children who aren’t afraid to feel.

9-year-old Piyush comes to class and puts his head down immediately. When I asked him what happened, he refused to budge and said, “Leave me alone Didi.” A classic example of a child struggling to accept and regulate his emotions.

As parents and educators we do everything in our might to make sure our kids feel safe and trust us. That they become honest and kind individuals in the future. However, what are some aspects we miss out while trying to nurture a kid? Emotions.

As simple as it may seem, the one thing we as adults struggle with is identifying what we feel, why we feel it, and most importantly how do we deal with it? Do you sometimes wish that you were able to make sense of your feelings too?

Now, imagine a 4-year-old going through the same dilemma. As parents/educators we have a solution for it. Social-emotional learning: The ability to be aware of our emotions, understand where it’s coming from, and to communicate and deal with it in a healthy manner. So what are the steps we can take?

1. Acknowledge the feeling- Instead of asking a child to stop crying and go to bed, sit down with them, and help them articulate how they are feeling, “That was really sad/scary. Why don’t we sit and talk about what we can do.? Use the emotions wheel to pinpoint a feeling.

2. Help them communicate – If your child suddenly starts shouting and feeling angry. Don’t start shouting at them, it will only make them feel agitated. Instead say, ” I see you are feeling extremely angry right now. You really wanted to go out and now the rain has spoiled your plans.”
(depending on the reason) .The child will calm down on their own and respond with a “yes, I guess so.”

3. Talk about your emotions- Describe how you feel on a day to day basis. For example, ” I see you cleaned the table today. This makes me feel loved.”This will help a child understand model statements and feel comfortable to express themselves.

4. Give options- Instead of telling them what to do, use the kelso wheel to help them regulate their emotions.” (Yes, it works with 5-year-old too!). This gives the child a sense of ownership and they feel like their voice matters.

Overall, These steps help integrate the emotional and logical part of a child. Let’s take one step each day to raise confident and emotionally aware children.