I can do it!
Raising self-reliant children
Right from the food they eat, to the clothes they wear we make all the decisions for children. When they grow up, we feel scared to let them go alone or stay alone at home. How can we change this? What if we encourage children to make informed choices? What if we made them self reliant?
Why is it important to do so?
One simple reason: When we continuously make choices for children, we deprive them of the opportunity to think for themselves. We need to remember that they cannot be followed around for the rest of their lives by us.
All of the above needs bravery from our side of course. I understand it’s not easy to let the reigns go. Which is why we need to start small to encourage self-reliance.
What do I mean by self-reliance?
Self-reliance means being confident about your abilities and the decisions you make. This can mean the following:
Being able to regulate emotions.
Being able to make decisions.
Being able to handle homework on their own.
Being able to stand up for themselves.
How can we build this?
Encourage thinking- While reading a book or watching a movie, ask them what do you think is happening. What is their favorite part? This encourages them to think when they are reading independently and make a connection between action and results.
Focus on mental health- Being self-reliant means being confident about your abilities. If children are aware of their emotions and how to manage and regulate them. They will be able to manage and handle things confidently. (See: Raising a mentally healthy child)
Small chores- Involve children in day to day chores to teach the value of hard work and taking care of themselves.
Encourage decision making- Let children choose the color of their clothes or type of food to eat. These small steps coupled with thinking helps them make informed choices.
Pocket money- Teaching children how to manage their finances is imperative. You can start small by giving them pocket money from the age of 8 and ask them to budget their expenses. This could mean basic stationery or chocolates. This teaches children the value of money and gratitude for the things they have. Alternatively, you could give a child a budget everytime you go shopping. This helps a child evaluate the things they decide to buy.
Set goals- Setting small goals everyday helps a child understand where they are and where they want to be. Start small by setting a daily goal, talking about the actions to accomplish the goal and reasses at the end of the day. The goals could range from “ I will be organised today” to “ I will help someone today.”. They could be academic or behavioural. Remember at the start, you and the child both need to set goals and then move towards independent goal setting.
Involve them - Make sure to take your child’s opinion on big decisions. For example, while buying a fridge or a new tv take your child’s opinion. If the child is unable to contribute, still let them be around to understand how decisions are taken.
Remember, it’s not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that determines their future. Let’s raise self reliant children!