Dealing with disappointment
What and how of disappointment
Tanya is all set for her race today. She has been preparing for two months and is confident that she will win the race. The race starts and Tanya comes third.
She says, “ I hate myself! I am never going to race again!”
Why did Tanya say this?
Tanya is feeling disappointed. She was unable to meet her own expectations which led to her feeling this way.
What’s going on in her mind?
She is probably thinking about the following things:
“ I am a failure”
“ All my efforts are wasted. I am never going to race again”
“ I am good at nothing!”
What can disappointment lead to?
Disappointment can be hard to manage because it can be felt via different emotions.
It can be caused because of different emotions like frustration, stress, anger.
It can lead to a loss of self-worth or the feelings of not being good enough.
It can lead to a state of hopelessness or even depression in some cases.
In short, the experience of disappointment can make you feel like a failure.
How can we help children handle disappointment?
Empathize- If a child feels disappointed, avoid saying “You did not try hard enough. You should have practiced more.” Instead, empathize with them and say “You must be feeling disappointed right now. It’s okay to feel so.” This helps them understand their feelings and acknowledge them.
Talk about the “why” - Remind them about why they started in the first place. Sometimes we keep raising the bar so high, that we lose track of what we were aiming for in the first place. This does not mean that we suppress the feeling of disappointment. It means that we rethink our priorities so that whatever happens, you stick by them, and are not give up.
Remind- When a child is feeling disappointed, they tend to forget about all the good things. Talk about the things that have worked in the past and their accomplishments. Remind them that it’s okay to fail at times. What we can do is look back and start again.
Look back- Encourage them to track their progress. Talk about “What can you do differently next time?”. This helps them work on their disappointment. It tells them that one can always rework their plan and try again.
New activities- Sometimes children feel disappointed because they keep comparing themselves to their peers. Introduce them to different activities to help them discover their strengths and interests.
Self-care- Disappointment can lead to a lot of negative thinking. This makes it difficult to move on and focus on the positive. It is necessary to learn skills that help us shift from this negative state. Writing affirmations is one of the ways to practice self-care.
Be kind- The most important thing is to teach children to be kind to themselves. It’s okay to fail and it’s okay to make mistakes. That’s what makes us human. :)
Remember, like all other feelings, disappointment is a natural feeling too. Let’s teach our children to forgive themselves and become confident adults in the future.